


The Living Doll

by kohi_uwu



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Depressed Akaashi Keiji, Eating Disorders, Family Issues, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mental Health Issues, More tags to be added, Physical Abuse, References to Depression, Self-Hatred, Social Anxiety, Suicide Attempt, i legit dont know how to tag, i love kuroo but akaashi is my baby and i will protect him at any cost, monster energy drink kenma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:48:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27639776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kohi_uwu/pseuds/kohi_uwu
Summary: Akaashi Keiji, one of the smartest students in Tokyo. But the older he gets, the more he finds out that the world isn't what he had once dreamed of. His first year in fukurodani academy. The pressure is on. It's time for him to grow up and become what his parents want from him. Slowly, he starts to crave something. Anything. Pleasure, Pain, Love, Death. He begins to start feeling hopeless in this broken society. But after getting a drink spilled on him by a certain pudding head, his life may start feeling a little sweeter.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Kozume Kenma, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Oikawa Tooru/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 23
Kudos: 74





	1. prologue

> a doll. spefically the marionette dolls. the ones that are made of wood, with strings connected to each joint so the puppteer could control them. They are but empty shells. Not being able to do anything by themselves unless someone controls them.
> 
> They just sit there day and night, waiting for someone to come in the room and play with them. To guide them. To have fun with them.
> 
> Sometimes that's how I feel. 
> 
> like nothing. just someone that was created for my family to conrtol. like a marionette doll. except. 
> 
> I'm the living doll.
> 
> * * *

“Happy birthday!” My family said, clapping their hands as I, the birthday boy who was seated in the middle about to blow the candles that somehow signify another year being alive on this planet. 

“Wait! Make a wish!” my grandmother said, rubbing my back as everyone waits for me to make a wish, smile, and cut the cake. Pretending that everything’s fine.

Internally signing, I inhaled and closed my eyes, 

‘I wish to die this year.’ I thought as I blew out the candles. 

“Yay! Congrats Keiji! You’re 15 now!” My father said, as my mother took a picture of this so-called ‘memorable moment’ with my grandparents seated beside me. 

My face contorted into a smile as I posed for the photo. 

‘15? wasn’t I 13 a few days ago?’ I realized as I cut right into the middle of the cake. 

After cutting the first slice, the cake was distributed among the five of us. Eating had always been quiet in our house. It was the time where no one was supposed to speak a word to each other. Who even thought of that. Honestly stupid if you ask me. 

“Keiji, you’re getting older. Soon you’ll have to choose a major, marry a wife and settle down, then work until you’re 60-70 years old.” my grandfather said, finishing up the cake as he sighed while sitting down on the couch that was right in front of the dining room.

“Life is so hard, you’re born, then you study for 1/3 of your life and work for the rest. Then you just wait for your death.” he continued, as he grabbed our family cat onto the couch with him.

“You know, I’ve been researching, computer science is a great university major, you also get lots of money too. You should do that once you finish up high school.” he suggested, laying down on the couch with the black cat next to his leg.

“Oh! Yes, yes, Computer Science does make a lot of money, and since our Keiji is so smart, he’ll be able to get a hold on this in no time. I’ll fine some extra classes related to computer science for you to take once we get home!” my mother agreed, as she sat in front of my grandfather with a plate of cake in her hands.

  
  


“Ah! Now that you say that, Keiji, Can you help me organize some prescription pills for me? I’m getting old and my eyesight is getting worse.” My grandmother said as she opened the cabinet next to the fridge filled to the brim with prescriptions, pills, and bottles full of vitamins or pills. The whole cabinet reeked of plastic and powder.

“Of course. It’ll be my pleasure grandmother.” I said, keeping a straight face as I got up from my seat and grabbed a handful of receipts and prescription papers. 

‘God is this messy.’ i cringed, as I started sorting them out by dates and the type of pills. After a while, I had finally finished. 

‘Isn’t this supposed to be my birthday? Why am I here doing all the work.’ I sighed as I put the papers back into the cabinet and sat directly across my grandparents and parents who were chatting about my future. 

‘Oh Keiji's so smart’

‘Oh, he’s gonna be great when he grows up.’

‘He’s gonna make a lot of money.’

‘Yep, just write my future out and let you guys control everything. I’ll just be a living doll. Living up to your expectations, Pretending that everything’s okay. Pretending that nothing’s wrong. Just a doll for you adults to play with.’ I thought, crossing my legs and leaning back against the armchair. 

“Keiji, Since we old folks don’t know what you want any more, here, have 100 dollars. Go by yourself something useful.” My grandmother smiled, handing me 2 fifty dollar bills, as I reached out and grabbed it.

“Thank you, grandmother and father. Although, you really didn’t have to.” I said, putting the money in my back pocket. 

“You’re our only child. Of course, we have to.” My grandfather laughed, as the cat jumped off of him and onto my lap. 

At some point, I zoned out again. Everyone was chatting, but I couldn’t hear them. I keep zoning out these days. 

“Keiji, Time to say goodbye to grandparents.” My father nudged my shoulder, giving my an evil eye as if he was saying ‘be respectful or you’ll get a beating when we get home.’.

“Goodbye Grandmother and father, I had a great time today. I’ll see you soon.” I smiled, leaning down to give my grandmother a hug. 

“Be careful on the way home.” My grandfather said to my dad as we exited out of their house. 

“I will.” He smiled as he walked down the stairs. 

On the way home, it was quiet too. No one talked. Everyone was just minding their own business. My mother, checking the numbers on her investment plans, my father who was listening to the radio, and I, once again, zoning out and watching out the windows. 

Once we were home, everyone is just doing their own things, my mother going to shower, my father grabbing a bottle of beer, a pack of cigarettes and headed out to chat with his friends, and me who locked myself in my room. 

It was always like this. Sometimes I wonder if it like this in other households too. Just putting on a fake face when you’re greeted by someone and once they leave, reality seeps in. I doubt it though. 

There was this one time where I had went over to my friend’s house for a project. Their family seems so. Happy? Would that be the word? They seemed like they all enjoyed life. In fact, the house itself seemed so full of life, you wouldn’t even have to guess that a happy family was living inside of it. Compared to that, our house is gray. Sad. Wait for no. More like quiet. It was either quiet or very loud. And the times that it was loud would always be when my parents are fighting. Sometimes they get physical and I’d have to sleep in my closet to muffle out the noise. 

But that’s fine. As long as I’m a living doll that’s living up to your expectations, then I’ll be fine. Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahahah- welcome to, god i don't even know. here. this is a story on akaashi keiji, of which his life becomes nothing but emptiness for his parents to control. to get good grades, to be the best at everything. to succeed in life. hope you enjoy. not edited, not proof read, diamond in the rough, its 12am and i have a doctor's appointment early tomorrow what am i doing... anyways. i very much hope you all enjoy, please feel free to leave a comment, i love interating with readers :)


	2. the aftermath

Still locked in my room, I could hear the chatter and laugh made by my father from the window. The sound of water running down the drain. Even with all the noise, It still seems quiet in here.   
  


In my room, it’s another dimension. One that I can control. The only thing a doll can control. Their own dimension. The only thing that is within my grasps.   
  


On top of my shelves was a tin can. It had dust on it, signifying that it hadn’t been touched in a long time. Although it was true I hadn’t touched it for a long time, tonight was far too painful.   
  


Hearing the puppeteers chatting about the next act they were gonna put me on. The universities, The majors, The birthday. 

  
‘Oh, yea it’s my birthday.’  
  


Had I totally forgotten that it was supposed to be what some people might say a ‘special occasion’.   
  


Well, what better way to do it than listening to the puppeteers chatting about the next act. The next big scene.   
  


I grabbed the tin can and set it on my nightstand, 

  
It was once used to contain one of my favourite candies (those delicious fruit drops filled with beautiful colours, shapes and flavours. How I’ve missed the sweetness of life), have now turned into storage for a metal blade and a couple of pills that numb the stress and anxiety of this life. 

One. Two. Three.  
  


Beads of red start to trickle down my arm and onto my hardwood floor.   
  


Four.  
  


I tilt my head in confusion as nothing comes out. Just a fresh wound, seconds before the blood starts pouring out.  
  


But that didn’t happen.   
  


The wound stayed the same. No blood.  
  


Setting the blade against the same spot, I slid it down once more.  
  


Nothing.   
  


‘Maybe I need to press harder’ I thought, pressing the blade against the same spot a little too hard that it already pierced through my skin before I had to even slide the metal blade down. A tiny bead of red started to form.   
  


‘So I do have to press harder.’, Grabbing the blade and sliding it down.  


It hurt. But it was a good type of pain. The ones where you feel relaxed. On cloud nine. As if all the troubles in the world had disappeared.  
  


Only for a few seconds.

Then you’re snapped back into reality. 

The reality where I’m nothing but a doll for the puppeteers to control. To be perfect in their eyes. To be beautiful with grace and elegance. To be a member of society. To contribute to the world and its accomplishments. To be proud to be an Akaashi.   
  
Hating the fact that I’m born into the bloodline of the Akaashi family, as I pressed the blade harder into my flesh. Blood quickly appearing and dripping down my arm.   
  


The maroon-like colour that appears had always been a mystery to me. Why maroon? Of all colours in the world. Maroon was the one to appear.   
  


The more I cut, the more relaxed I feel. The pain had subsided and the pleasure flowed through my veins as if this was meant to be.   
  


As long as I do this. I won’t break. I’ll be the perfect doll for you. Your most prized possession. I will be what you want me to become. I have no say in my own future. It’s all been decided by you and only you.   
  
I closed my eyes and sighed as I put the blade back into the tin can, popping one of the pills to help in the aftermath of this so-called ‘session’.   
  
Grabbing the gauze that was hidden behind a portrait (just in case for whatever reason they’ve decided to infiltrate my dimension and find the stuff I have hidden inside the room), I tightly wrapped it around my left arm, occasionally wincing as I tightened it too tight and tying it up. 

Now the last part would be to smile. Put on a smile. Just put on a face so they would be proud. Show them what a good boy you are. The best doll. The best creation they’ve ever made. Their prized possession.   
  
I looked in the mirror. 

The person in the mirror was not me. It didn’t look like me. It didn’t dress like me. It wasn’t me.   
  


The person had bags under their eyes, their lips were purple, their skin was awfully pale as if something terrible had happened to them, their hair had pieces curling outwards, their eyes looked like their soul had left their body unwillingly. 

As if it had been kicked out by something evil. Something controlling. Something bad. 

My facial muscles had morphed into a smile. Although you can still see how soulless they looked even if they smiled. 

Eyes are everything. They represent your emotions, they can tell what colours were painted onto the world, and the health of one human being. Although my facial muscles were morphed into a smile, my eyes had become soulless.   
  


You could hardly see the glow I once had when I was little. 

  
Those eyes were beautiful.   
  


The curious dark blue eyes that wanted to explore the world when they grew up. The beautiful glow that the sun had reflected off the eyes as if the sun was reflecting off a vast sea that had just been discovered by a marine captain.  
  


But now, I had become nothing but an empty soulless doll for the puppeteer to control. 

  
As long as the strings don’t snap. The puppeteer can and will forever be in control.


	3. bright

Oftentimes I wonder to myself, people have always done what’s right. Ask someone if they are okay, Ask if they need help. Are they asking that because they were told to ask that when they see someone sad or quiet because doing what’s right has always been engraved into their head or is it because they genuinely care about them?

I’ve always thought stuff like asking if a person was okay when they’re clearly not is a stupid way to approach them.

And that leads me here, with a fellow classmate waving their hand in front of my face.

“Hello..??” they tilted their head and continued to wave their hand at me as I continued to drift into my thoughts while my face remained neutral.

“Akaashi-kun?” they asked once more, this time clapping their hands in front of me.

Getting a little irritated, I snapped back to reality and looked at them.

“Yes?” I responded, sounding slightly annoyed.

“It’s lunch y’know? Where’s your lunch?”

‘You snapped me out of my thoughts for this?’ I inwardly snapped, the hand that was on my lap slowly scrunching up my pants.

“Oh, I was gonna go to the cafeteria today.” I replied, releasing the pants that now has a spot that looked rather untidy.

“See ya.” I said, standing up and exiting the loud classroom and into the hallways.

***  
Signing, I walk down the hallways of one fukurodani academy.

What to do. What to do.

I put my hands in my pockets and felt something in it. Pulling it out, it was revealed that ‘something’ was the $100 dollar bill my grandparents had given me on my birthday, making me more down than I was before since that bill reminded me that my future had been set into stone.  
If I waste it, it’ll be like they got me presents. If i keep it, It’ll be a constant reminder that my future is set by puppeteers, that I’m nothing but a useless doll.

I’ll use it. To harm myself instead. It’ll be a constant reminder that I have to do this in order to stay alive.

“Watch out!” a voice called out as I halted in my steps and looked up, seeing a ball flying straight to my face.

My hands quickly set the ball up as the money my grandparents had given me dropped on the ground.

The ball fell to the ground and rolled towards the person in front of me.

His hair was multi-colored and he looked at me with a shocked expression on his face as if I had just told him the world was ending.

“Uhm, can I help you?” I asked, bending down to pick the money back up and shove it in my pockets before he held both my hands out.

His eyes were this beautiful golden color, almost as if it was shimmering.

‘Ah, another person so full of life and joy.’ I thought.

“J-join the volleyball team please!” He said loudly as he bowed to me, my head tilting as to why he suddenly asked a stranger to join the volleyball club.

“No.” I replied, yanking my hands out of his grip and walking past him.

“Please! We’re in need of a setter! And you’re perfect!” He yelled, running up to me as I slightly twitched.

“No.” I replied once more, this time walking a bit faster and turning a corner, hoping to lose him.

That didn’t work.

“Please! That set of yours was perfect, I bet you did volleyball before, C’mon please! Just come to the gym after school and play one game with me!” He begged, walking by my side this time.

‘He’s so persistent’ I thought, halting in my steps, making him walk a bit ahead of me before walking back.

“Please! We’re in need of a setter! And as the vice-captain, I can’t let my team down!” He begged once more, standing in front of me.

‘How is he a vice-captain? Does he beg everyone to join like what he’s doing to me right now?’ I thought, looking up at the multi-colored volleyball vice-captain.

“Fine. One game. That’s it.” I said, quickly walking past him and back to my loud classroom, leaving the bi-colored vice-captain standing on his own.  
***  
“Hey! You came!” The vice-captain yelled, running up to me with a bright smile and open arms as if he was initiating a hug.

“Yea I did.” I said, trying to squirm out of his hug, only to make him hug me tighter, making me wince a bit as one of his hands were tightening around my bandaged arm from last night’s session.

Finally sighing when he released me from the deathly hold.

“Okay well what we’re gonna do is just play some sets, see if you match our timing and yea that’s it for today.” He smiled, clapping his hands together as I nodded.

“Have you played volleyball before?” He asks as we walk to the right side of the court while the other players on the left are practicing some spiking drills.

“Yea, I played a little when I was in junior high, but I wasn’t that good so I was more of a benchwarmer than an actual player.” I said, fidgeting my fingers as I contemplated looking up.

“Okay well, hopefully you know the basics of volleyball.” He smiles as he tosses a volleyball at me right when I decide to look up.

Luckily I caught the ball before it hit my face.

“Let’s just set to each other today.” He said, walking back and squatting a bit.

‘Name. i forgot to ask for his name’ i thought right when i was about to set the ball to him.

“Uhm, before I set, what’s your name?” I ask holding the ball in front of me as he stood back up and gave me a bright smile.

“Bokuto. Bokuto Koutarou. What’s your name?” He asks as he slowly squats back down.

“Akaashi Keiji.” I replied, as I setted the ball up to him.

“Nice to meet you Akashi!” Bokuto smiles, as he sets the ball back.

“Nice to meet you too.” I smiled, setting the ball back to him.

This continued on for a good while until we had switched to me setting for his spikes and the other team member’s spikes.

“Good job today Akashi!” Bokuto smiles as he slaps me on the back and hands me my water bottle.

“Hopefully you’ll consider joining, I’m in class 2-d, so come and find me if you wanna join!” Bokuto says, wiping his sweat on a towel.

“Thank you for today Bokuto-san. I’ll consider it.” I replied, as I drank my water.

‘Maybe this could help me put my mind off things.’ I thought, grabbing my bag and exiting the gym.

By then, the sky was painted a deep blue color, the moon and stars had come out, shining below me.

Maybe I can control my future after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> still trying to work and play around ao3, kinda confusing since i was always on the reader's pov ✖‿✖ other then that, thank you for reading! and thank you CheCheCheer for always commenting ヾ(＾-＾)ノ keeps me motivated and happy that people actually read this ff <3


	4. freedom?

_Beep Beep Beep Beep  
  
_

I groan as I open my eyes, the sun practically piercing right into my eyeballs, making me wince at the sudden brightness.  
  


“Keiji, can you go to the drug store and get some eye drops along with shampoo?” My mother asks, her voice muffled by the door that blocks the real world and my own made-up dimension.  
  


“I’ll go after I get ready,” I replied, sitting up on my bed and closing the blinds behind me so the sun doesn't try to burn my eyelids off.   
  


Standing up, I’ve realized how much of a mess my own realm is. Clothes, dirty or clean were on the ground, spread everywhere. You could hardly see a path from the door to my bed. Empty arizona tea cans and tea-stained porcelain cups on top of papers and textbooks stacked on either side of my desk.   
  


The walls filled with piano sheets, music that I used to love and adore. Although it soon turned bitter and sour. The competitions and tests were no longer fun, it felt like a chore to be doing it. It used to be something I could turn to whenever life got bad. But my parents kept pushing me to do more, to play more, to sit there four hours a day and do nothing but play until my fingers bleed. So I stopped. 

  
Sighing, I grabbed some clothes from the messy ground and wore them. Shortly after, I realized I was wearing a sweater our school had given us on the first day, along with a pair of sweatpants that had a weird stain on the thigh, making that spot darker than the rest of the sweatpants.   
  


Opening the door into the real world, I was hit by the loud snores emitting from my father’s room along with the sound of the keyboard’s clicking noises.   
  


“I’m going out now,” I said, knocking on my mother’s door as I headed downstairs and out the door. 

-

I sigh as I walk down the empty road, the sun practically frying my head up like an egg.   
  


The heat was unbearable, even I don’t enjoy suffering like this.  
  


I walked faster as I finally got to the plaza, quickly sighing in relief as the AC hits my face and subconsciously started smiling before I caught myself, and fixed my expression before the people in the store though I’m weird.   
  


Walking to the shampoo aisle, I quickly see a loud orange-haired kid with a blond girl sitting on the ground, trying to pick which scent of kid’s shampoo they wanted, sadly the brand was right next to the brand my mother usually uses.   
  


Twitching my eyes a bit, I walked over to them and settled next to the blond girl, as I tried to find the scent my mother usually uses.  
  


“But this one is strawberry scented! We all know strawberry-scented stuff is the best!” The loud kid says, shoving the shampoo bottle into the girl’s face.   
  


“But the orange one will fit your hair and your loud personality shouyou.” the blond boy says, putting the oranged hair kid’s hand that was holding the shampoo bottle down.   
  


I halted in my movement as I was about to grab the shampoo bottle that took me a while to find, ‘It’s a guy?’   
  


“Fine, but I’m getting the strawberry one for Tsukki! He likes strawberry shortcake so He’ll probably like this one.” The loud boy whispers, grabbing both the bottles and standing up.  
  


“You’re so indecisive.” the blond boy said with a monotone voice as he took a sip of his drink and as he slowly stood up.   
  


“Shouyou don’t run in the store.” he sighed as he reached a hand out to the loud boy who seemed to have zoomed to the register.   
  


Keeping his head down, he walked by me as I coincidentally reached out and grabbed the bottle and hit the hand that held his drink, spilling it on my sleeve. 

Luckily it wasn’t the bandaged arm. It probably would’ve hurt like a bitch if the carbonated drink had touched the wounds.   
  


I flinched at the reaction of the cold drink as he finally looked up.   
  


His eyes were dull. Beautiful caramel-like coloured eyes, yet it’s so lifeless and dull. As if they’ve walked the earth a thousand times already.   
  


“I’m sorry for spilling on your shirt.” He says, trying to wipe the stained area away as if it was gonna help.   
  


“No, it’s fine don’t worry about it.” I smile at him, putting the shampoo back.   
  


“You’re from Fukurodani academy,” he states, gesturing to the school logo on my white sweater.

  
He pursed his lips and continued, “It’s close to my school, I’m from Nekoma high school. Do you want a change of clothes? We probably live close to each other too.” 

  
‘If I go, I can stay out longer and be a bit more free. If I leave now I’ll have to go back there. Back to the hell hole.’   
  


“If it’s okay with you, then sure,” I replied as he took out his phone to call someone.   
  


“Hello? Shoyou, I’m going to leave first, I have something to do. I’ll see you in the training session on Monday.” he says as he put his phone back into his pocket. 

  
He sighs as he reaches his hand out, “I’m Kozume Kenma, Second year from Nekoma High.”   
  


“I’m Akaashi Keiji, Second year from Fukurodani Academy,” I replied, grabbing his hand and shaking it.   
  


“Let’s go before the sun sets Akaashi,” Kenma says as he walks out of the store, taking a sip of his drink. 

  
“Okay, Kozu-”   
  


“Kenma is fine. I don’t like using honorifics, but if it bothers you, I can but -kun at the end of your name.” the blond boy interrupts, taking another sip from the drink.   
  


“No need, you can call me Keiji then. I don’t like my surname all that much.” I smile as I walk next to him. 

The walk to Kenma’s house was quiet, although I wasn’t surprised considering how quiet he seemed to be. It was a bit awkward since I didn’t know how to break the tension. 

-

“We’re here.” he stops as he opens the door without even unlocking it.

“Just take your shoes off and follow me,” Kenma says, kicking his shoes off and began to walk up the dimly lit stairs that lead to a dark hallway.   
  


He opened the door to his room as he gestured for me to sit on his neatly made bed while he searched for a shirt big enough for me since he was a bit on the short side.   
  


“Try this.” He plainly said, handing me a large black sweater with the word “NEKOMA” on the chest.  
  


As I was about to take my sweater, I realized I still had the bandages on, halting in my movements, I hesitated whether or not I should ask him to turn around, in the end I decided to leave it be. Kenma seemed like a chill person, hopefully, he won’t ask about it unless I want to talk about it. 

Finally taking off the sweater, I can see Kenma’s face change a bit, just his eyes widening for a second then returning back to his normal face. I changed into the black sweater that is a bit big on me, handing mine to Kenma, “I’ll give you your sweater back on monday. Until then, Can we exchange numbers?” He asks, tossing my sweater into the laundry basket, mixed with his own clothes.   
  


“Sure, here,” I said, giving him my phone and him doing the same as we entered our phone numbers on each other’s phones. 

  
“Wait, take a picture with me for your profile picture,” Kenma suggests as he grabs his phone and poses a peace sign while I attempt to give a smile. Which came out looking bad once again.   
  


Kenma messes around with my phone along with his and hands it back to me as he snickers, “nice smile.” 

  
“I’ll try and fix it.” i smiled, scratching my head as I looked at the profile picture, really wondering why I can’t look like the others. 

  
Although kenma’s eyes are dull, he still looks alive. While I on the other hand looks tired and lost.   
  


“Do you want me to walk you home?” Kenma asks as I wear my shoes and opens his front door.  
  


“No, it’s fine. Thank you for today.” I replied, giving another try at a smile, hopefully not scaring the blonde boy.   
  


“Okay, I’ll see you on Monday. Sorry for ruining your sweater” Kenma apologized as he swiped his long hair on the side a bit, although still letting it slide down.   
  


“It’s fine really, and who knows? This might be a start to a wonderful friendship.” I try to smile once more, as I close his door and walk onto the street. 

The moon shined bright tonight, giving him a clear path to walk home in, sighing, as he realized that his father and his friends would be awake now. Most likely talking, drinking, and smoking in front of the house, halting in his movements when he looked at his phone, 

8:00 PM.

Akaashi had been out for the entire day. He was free for an entire day. No studying, no reading, no yelling, no hitting, nothing. He was free, and yet it was still keeping a fake smile on his face. Pretending that everything was okay. 

Even if Akaashi was free, he can never be free from the puppeteer’s string, for it will always drag him back to the house he despised the most. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ha~ finally, the chapter i struggled to write has finally been written (●´⌓`●) this week went by really quick, one more week until holiday break starts whoop whoop! more writing for kohi :D anyways, thank you denki simpery and i need sleep for commenting! As always, feel free to comment, i love seeing your comments pop up in my inbox, gives me an instant energy boost from life  
> o(〃＾▽＾〃)o  
> -  
> I've been thinking of starting a kuroken ff along with a tendo ff, both have somewhat of a heavy topic, like suicide, self harm, prostituting, and bullying. let me know what you guys think! (p.s idk who to ship tendo with so pls help kohi T_T)


	5. trapped

As Akaashi approaches his house, he is met with loud laughing noises and a horrible stench of alcohol. Cringing at the smell, he tries to diverge his eye contact from his father’s, hoping that his father won’t question him for being out the entire day without any excuse. Slowly moving past his father’s friends who are also covered in either a horrible stench of alcohol, or the disgusting sweat and odor from being outside in the hot sun talking to his father all day about putting women in their place. 

Holding his breath as he almost makes it past the crowd of large men as he reaches his hand for the door handle before he was yanked from the back of kenma’s borrowed sweater. Back into the crowd of disgusting smells and odors. 

“Keiji, What are you doing? Sneaking back into the house without greeting your Father and his friends? I didn’t raise you like this.” His father giving a fake smile while also giving an evil eye as he grips the back of Keiji’s sweater harder, making Keiji tense up.

“I apologize,” Keiji said, not meeting his father’s gaze, as he sorted himself out a bit, looking down on the ground. “Good day Sirs. If you don’t mind, I’d like to go back inside to study now.” He muttered, walking towards the door once more before getting yanked back into the crowd again. 

“I couldn’t hear you properly, child. Speak up.” He smiled bigger, this time his hand was holding onto the back of his neck, giving it a quick squeeze that immediately made him straighten his posture and nearly made his legs give out. 

“I apologize, Good day everyone, I hope you’re all doing well, If you don’t mind, I’ll be going back into the house now.” He spoke up, meeting the gaze of everyone while his father slowly released his neck from his hold. 

“Go.” 

That word has never made Keiji so relieved, as he quickly walked past everyone and opened the door to the house, finally inside of a somewhat safe space. 

He sighed in relief as he took his shoes off, walking upstairs and to his room.

As much as he would love to slam the door and lock it, cutting off everyone from his life just like that, he couldn’t.

The door handle doesn't have a lock, and his parents have no boundaries of privacy for him, stating that there’s nothing for him to hide.

Gently closing his door, he jumps on to his bed and lets out a huge sigh into his covers before sitting against the wall that the bed is placed against, cross legged. Looking up at the bumpy popcorn ceiling as the heavy footsteps walking up the stairs could be heard, approaching closer to his room until the door eventually gets slammed opened by none other than his father. 

“Why were you out all day?” his father, Jun, who was wearing a white tank top and a pair of khaki shorts asked as he grabbed the chair from keiji’s work desk, setting it next to the bed as he straddled it, leaning close to his son who was trying his best to not show how uncomfortable he was.

“Mom asked for shampoo so I went out to get it.” He bluntly responded, looking out the window that was above the bed frame. “It took you 5 hours to get shampoo?” raising an eyebrow at his son as he realized that sweater wasn’t his as it was too big. “Where’d you get the sweater from?” he gestures.

That made keiji halt in his movements, his eyes widening a bit before returning back to his poker face that he wore around nearly everyone. “I said.”Jun got off the chair, and leaned closer to his son as he grabbed his sweater. “Where’d you get the sweater?” gripping harder on the sweater and his arm, as keiji bits down on cheek as Jun is gripping a little too tight on the only arm that is still somewhat functioning after the night he had. 

“It’s mine.” he lied, looking his father in the eyes with a poker face as he tried his best not to inhale the scent of liquor and cigarettes mixed with the disgusting stench of sweat that is currently spreading throughout his room.

Jun squinted in suspicion, looking at his son up and down, as he sat back on the chair. “Your room’s messy as fuck.” he said gesturing at the clothes on the ground, books and cups stacked ontop of each other and pages of music stuck onto the wall as he took out a cigarrete from his back pocket along with a lighter, lighting the cigarette in keiji’s room. “Clean it up.” Jun added as he exhaled a cloud of smoke into Keiji's face, before standing up and leaving his room trailing the foul scent of cigarettes and sweat behind him. The sound of heavy footsteps slowly descended further from his room, making keiji finally comfortable enough to close the door again, grabbing his chair and putting it back to its original spot and climbed on top of his table, attempting to open the window that’s been stuck due to the paint that covered over it. 

After a few tries, he got tired and eventually gave up on trying to open the window, deciding he would rather smell the intoxicating air instead of wasting his energy on trying to open a window he knows won’t open even after he somehow gets the paint off. 

Jumping on his bed once more, he looked at the popcorn ceiling and closed his eyes. Letting out yet another big sigh before he got a text from someone, grabbing his phone out of his pocket as it automatically opened, the bright screen on his phone making his eyes burn a bit as he squinted and clicked on the message icon. 

**  
_Kenma: [This is Keiji right?]_ **

**_Kenma: [I’ll meet you at your school gate tomorrow after school.]_ **

**_Kenma: [That’s it. Good Night.]_ ** _  
  
_

keiji read, before responding with a simple answer,

**_Keiji: [okay thank you.]_ **

**_Keiji: [good night.]_ **

  
He closed his phone and tossed it on the messy desk that was overcrowded with books and unwashed cups and dishes. The phone hits one of the stacks as the entire stack of books falls onto the ground, papers that were in the pages flying out and landing on his clothes. 

A bigger mess that he’ll have to eventually clean. 

Not caring at all, he glanced at his alarm clock, 

10:05pm

‘I’ll shower and brush my teeth tomorrow’ he thought as he laid on top of his covers with the clothes he wore today, hugging his knees in and inhaled the scent of the sweater that his potential friend, kenma had given him since it was the only thing that smelled decent after his father came in and tainted his entire room with that disgusting smell, shortly after that keiji realized he didn’t eat anything at all today and made a mental note to eat tomorrow as he was too tired to actually get up from his spot, and slowly drifted away from the real world and into the one he looked forward to. The dream realm where everything is peaceful and quiet. Where he could fuck around and not be in trouble, a place he could truly be himself even if he doesn't remember it in the morning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hihi happy holidays o(〃＾▽＾〃)o sorry i took a two week break ≧﹏≦ i'll kinda switched the posting schedule sorry! i'll switch it back to thursdays-fridays when march break comes :p anyways let's talk abt keiji. i don't like jun already (◡‿◡✿) let's hope nothing goes wrong when he goes back to school! (just realized i didn't write about his school history n background so i'm gonna do that now lol). as always, thank you for reading and feel free to comment! makes me happy that people are enjoying my writing <33 stay safe! (especially with the new covid strand thing) wear your masks! and don't go out unless it's 100% necessary!! have a great week! i'll see you next week <3 kohi out!


	6. an early walk to school

dreams are great, you can do anything inside of it and you won’t get in trouble. The price for it would be not remembering a thing that happened while you were asleep in a blink of an eye, night turned into day and you’re getting ready for school again. repeating the same routine every single day until the day you die. or until you go off to university. 

in this so-called dream realm, akaashi was not having a very good experience. the dream went like this: he was alone in the school building, the lights were out all around him, and he was trying to get home. the more he walked, the more lost he felt, it was as if the walls were shifting around him; trapping him inside of the building. panicking, he decides it would be a good idea to walk back to his classroom, only to find a paper on his desk. the paper on his desk had his final exam marks on it. akaashi took the paper in his hands as he read the entire page, by the time he had finished, his hands were shaking and the room felt like it was spinning, no. the room was spinning. akaashi was still frozen in fear as the room started spinning. the fear that his parents might yell and hit him, the fear that his father would throw him in the closet and lock the door, leaving him trapped in the dark tiny space. 

then as if on cue, the room stopped moving and his eyes snapped open. breathing heavily, he jumped out of bed and looked around the room he was in, still seeing the messy floor, now with books and papers added to it. the sunlight was pouring into his room despite the tower of books and cups he has on his desk, exhaling in relief, akaashi decides to go back to bed before his alarm starts beeping. 

right when he was slowly shifting into another realm, the alarm app he had downloaded on his phone started beeping, disrupting the few minutes of peace he had. grumbling, he harshly threw his duvet to the side as he stood up, resulting in him getting dizzy since he stood up a bit too fast. stumbling a bit, he grabbed onto his chair to keep him from falling onto the bed, resulting in more books and paper falling onto the ground, luckily the messy clothes from the ground absorbed most of the noise or his father probably would’ve woken up and gave keiji an ear full.

he rubbed his eyes a bit after gaining some balance, slowly realizing that he hadn’t changed out of yesterday’s clothes. scratching the back of his head, he decides to just skip showering and brushing his teeth, only washing his face with water then changing into his uniform while he puts the sweater that he borrowed from the pudding head he met at the store aside, keeping a mental note for him to put it in the washing machine afterwards. 

  
sadly, the only bathrooms in this house is either inside of his mother’s room, or next to his father’s room. the one in his mother’s room is well, exclusively for her since she is a very private person even when it comes to her family. the other bathroom is filled to the brim with the smell of tarnished air and clouds of toxic fumes. making it difficult for him to even shower or brush his teeth in there normally without having an entire cough session, so he rarely showers. not that he even has the time or energy to shower since his parents expect him to be locked up in his room, head in the books and only coming out for essentials, like food.

straightening his back, akaashi decides to change into his uniform until he realized that the bandaged arm is shown in his summer uniform and it’s far too hot to be wearing the school blazer for eight hours straight unless you wanna pass out. although his school is rather famous for, well probably in everything. they don’t have air conditioning as they believe that it is a waste of money, with the excuse “if our ancestors from thousands of years ago can survive, so can we.”, which is a bit extreme, but it dosen’t matter if your school is good at everything. akaashi kicks around the random piles of clothes and books on his ground until he finally finds the school cardigan, taking a whiff at it, it seems decently okay to wear it once more before tossing it either in the laundry machine, where hopefully his mother will help him wash it, or back onto his floor with other piles of either clean or dirty laundry.

looking at his own reflection from the dirty mirror that was placed against one of his closet doors, he realized that, although he looked like a normal highschool teenager wearing his uniform, his eyes were dead and he showed no emotions. moving closer to his mirror, he pulled his cheeks and pushed it up to make some sort of smile. after a few attempts he decided to give up on trying to make himself approachable and less emotionless. akaashi grabbed his school bag and quietly opened the door; in fear that his father would wake up and scream at him for no reason or hit him for disturbing his sleep. he walked down the stairs and he went to the kitchen to wash his face since it was the only place in his house other than the two bathrooms upstairs that actually had running water since the guest bathroom is now storage for cleaning supplies and detergent.

akaashi fixed his appearance one last time before opening the door as the sun practically shines right into his eyes, making him wince at the sudden brightness, although the sun practically poured into his own room, the other parts of the house had remained dark and cold, making him more used to the dark rather than the light. 

to him, the dark was comforting, quiet, peaceful while the light was loud, annoying and persistent. giving a deep sigh, akaashi locks the door and walks to school at his slow pace since he did wake up at the first of multiple alarms he usually sets since he dosen’t enjoy a piece of device interrupting his sleep. although the sun was in his eyes, the air around him was a little cool, the ground he’s currently walking on was still wet from the morning fog. If you listen carefully, you could hear birds from the nearby park singing. he always admired birds. they could fly so high and be so free, like they don’t have anything to worry about. but if there was a bird he could choose to become, it would most likely be an owl since they’re nocturnal. and in akaashi’s opinion, he thought the hoots from the owls were the most peaceful and adorable thing in the entire world. 

after a while, akaashi had arrived at his school, there wasn’t many people since he was still around 5 mins early so he decided to go to his classroom and read a book until school officially starts. 

the bell ringing had made akaashi flinch since he was so mesmerized by the way the author had used words and twisted it; making the content more beautiful than the beauty of nature. as always, classes went by fast and akaashi had only spent it on looking out the window even though he was no where near the window, he still looked outside, the cherry blossoms were still slowly falling off the trees, and the sun was still awfully bright, making his eyes bleed as he turned his gaze back onto his pages and focused on the class. soon, lunch had came by and akaashi was probably gonna skip eating since he had ate around two? three? days ago. he could go for more. it’s not like you have to eat everyday to survive. although, the smell of food in his classroom does make him wanna eat even if he wasn’t hungry, making him kicking himself out so he could walk around the school halls again, suddenly remembering that he needed to speak to the volleyball vice-captain about his position on the team. akaashi dosen’t even know why he’s joining. he has no purpose in joining a sports club or any club in a matter of speaking, when his arms are bandaged, bruised, and scarred while his entire body is littered with bruises. he wasn’t even good at sports back in junior high, he just did volleyball because. because. what was the reason in him joining clubs. he dosen’t remember. 

after his thoughts had cleared up, he had found himself standing in front of room 2-d, the door was opened and the smell of food had wavered its way into akaashi’s nose, making him sniff a bit as he poked his head in the classroom, before the very loud volleyball vice-captain jumped up and screamed his name in excitement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow happy new years! can't believe i made it here alive *sniffle* TT^TT haha i ended it off in bokuto n akaashi meeting :pp wowow yall get two chapters for this week cause i took a two week break and this is sorta my way of making it up and i posted an edited oneshot of sakuatsu ˙˚ʚ(´◡`)ɞ˚˙anyways thank you for reading and as always stay safe and wear a mask! also feel free to comment or give feedbacks (critical criticisms included) it makes me happy to see people commenting on my works :D 
> 
> sigh i have school in 2 days


	7. reveal

“akaashi! you came! you wanna talk here or somewhere else?” bokuto smiles, standing up as he approached him, engulfing him in a hug as akaashi froze up. 

“hey bokuto san, if we could talk somewhere else, that would be nice.” akaashi said, slowly peeling the volleyball vice-captain’s arms away from his body. 

“sure! follow me then!” bokuto beams a smile as he lead the way to the their school gym which had was occupied since some wanted to play basketball in here. walking past the court, bokuto opens the door to the equipment room, and gestured me to come inside. 

“this is fine right?” bokuto asks, sitting on the pile of mats in front of him as he looks up at him.   
  
“it’s a little uhm, dark.” akaashi whispered, looking away from the volleyball vice-captain. 

“oh, uhm” bokuto stands up as he walked towards the light switch that was right behind akaashi, unknowing pinning akaashi to the wall when he switched the lights on. “is that better ‘kaashi?” he asks, looking down on the first year who was furiously blushing as he realized that his chest was practically suffocating the poor teenager. walking back a bit to give him space. 

“sorry i didn’t realize. but do you feel better now?” bokuto apologizes as he sits back down, patting the spot next to him for akaashi to sit. 

“it’s fine, and yea i do. thank you.” akaashi replies, still blushing from when bokuto had accidentally pinned him to the wall, getting a whiff of his body wash, which oddly smelled like lavender. quickly snapping out of it, he sat next to bokuto and looked him in the eyes, “i wanna join the volleyball club.” he loudly said, averting his gaze elsewhere as he started blushing again while his hands automatically starts picking at the skin around his nails as a habit that formed over his anxious and nervousness.   
  
the equipment room was quiet, so quiet that you could almost hear the heartbeat of the two people that was in there. the shoes that were squeaking and the sound of the basketball hitting the ground were the only things that could be heard. 

“sure.” bokuto says, as he smiles at akaashi, his eyes crinkle a bit as the corner of his lips are lifted. a smile. something akaashi struggles to do, to smile. ‘how come he can do it so easily while i struggle with it?’ he thought, before ignoring the small voice in his head and continuing the conversation.   
  
“wait really?” akaashi asks, not knowing how club activities work anymore since he wasn’t interested in any of the clubs he’s been introduced to. 

“yea. i mean you came last time when i asked you to, and it was sort of like a try out thing for you. you seem to be good with the ball, and you sync up with some of us pretty well. you would be a good asset to have in our team.” bokuto replies, as he continued to ramble on about how akaashi was good at volleyball, and why didn’t he join sooner. this is something akaashi is good at. without the countless amount of studying and practice. he was good at it. without polishing it. his parents didn’t make him do this. he chose this himself. 

akaashi smiled at the thought that maybe. just maybe he can be free.   
  
“akaashi?” bokuto asks, peeking his head under akaashi’s, as akaashi snaps back from his thoughts. “are you listening?” bokuto stands back up, holding his hand out for akaashi, “anyways there’s practice today if you wanna come. but it’s fine if you’re busy today since it is all of a sudden. so i don’t expect you to come today.” he said, as akaashi took his hand, and stood up.   
  
“bokuto san, i’d love to go but i have to give something back to someone, so i can’t go today. i apologize.” akaashi said, exiting out of the gym as bokuto bid akaashi farewell. 

perfect timing as akaashi had just step foot into the classroom and the bell had rang, students returning to their seats as the teacher walks in, the class president making them stand up, say good afternoon, then sit back down. 

afterwards, akaashi had done his usual routine of staring at the window, watching the cherry blossoms slowly fall from the tree as the wind picks them up, creating a beautiful pink storm outside the window. 

afternoon classes had passed quickly as he was distracted by the thoughts and voices in his head that threw every negative thing about himself at him, from his appearance to the way he always talk so politely as if something was gonna happen if he talked impolitely. like he was gonna get a beating from his parents if he wasn’t keeping up with the perfect lifestyle they’ve created to show others that they’re nothing but a great happy family. 

akaashi grips his pants until his knuckles had become white, hoping the voices in his head would stop clouding over his mind, as he had to keep his life in check, keep everything in a nice routine. make everything as neat as possible, nothing can go wrong, everything has to go right, get good grades, study, go to tutor classes, study, test, study, make your parents proud despite the amount of emotional, mental and sometimes physical abuse they make you go through. 

‘it’ll all be worth it if we get into a good university, and get a good job with a lot of money.’ his other persona reminded of him, as akaashi releases his hold on his now crinkled pants, his cold sweat hands automatically picking at each other as he slowly freaks out in his seat, the future.   
  
he dosen’t want it to come, he can hardly control what’s going on around him, how is he gonna figure out his future in three years? the more he thought about it, the harder and deeper his fingers picked at the skin, causing some of his fingers to bleed. akaashi can’t. no. he won’t let the future come. it’s too soon. he not ready, he can’t. everything felt like it was slowly collapsing for akaashi, the world seemed to be caving in on him, like it’s pushing him to the edge until he ends up falling into the pit of what some might call reality, while others call it the truth.   
  
his breath quickens, as he continues to pick at his skin, the blood drying on his fingers as it slowly drips out. until everything stopped. the final bell had rang as students got up from their seats, bowed at the teacher as they exited while akaashi who was luckily at the very back corner remained seated.

it was hard to see everyone standing up as akaashi was short compared to the students in the front that can easily tower him, making it easy for him to not have to bow at multiple teachers every time they’ve entered or exited the room after a class. 

students started exiting out of the classroom, one by one, until akaashi was the last one left. slowly letting out a breathy exhale as he cleaned himself up, showing no signs of the panic attack he just had and exited the classroom too.   
  
looking down on his phone, with a notification from kenma that just said “i’m here”, he walks out of the school building, his eyes scanning for a certain ombre haired boy that was slightly shorter than him and wears a different school uniform. akaashi was slowly getting frustrated as he couldn’t find the nekoma student anywhere, he scrolled through his contacts, finding kenma’s profile and as he was about to click his phone number, someone tapped behind his shoulder, making him flinch at the contact as he turned around. 

“sorry did i scare you?” the shorter boy mumbled, his eyes looking anywhere but akaashi’s face.   
  
“no, i was just a bit startled, that’s all.” akaashi replied, as he continued “thanks for cleaning my sweater, i left yours at my house, so you’re gonna have to walk home with me if that’s okay.” he apologizes as they started walking.   
  
the walk was fairly short, just a left turn once you’ve reached the park, and it was akaashi’s house, which had some sort of dark aura looming over it that made it more unapproachable than normal houses.   
  
before unlocking the door, akaashi turns to kenma, “uhm, you might have to whisper because of family issues” akaashi warns, really not wanting to get hit by his father because he had someone over. “that’s fine.” kenma mumbles, as akaashi unlocked the door, the two of them walking in and putting their shoes properly to the side as they walked upstairs, before stopping in front of akaashi’s door.   
  
“give me a second.” akaashi said, quickly realizing that his room was a complete mess, he opened the door and closed it, leaving kenma alone in the dark hallways as he quickly shoved most if not all the clothes that were on the ground into the closet or under his bed, in the process of doing that he found the sweater he had borrowed, throwing it on his chair as he continued to pick up books and papers off the ground stacking them on top of the pile that was already on his desk. panting, he stands up, his eyes scanning around his room. for the first time in a long time, akaashi could finally see the carpeted floor carefully. satisfied, he opened the door to finally let the pudding head in. 

“i forgot to wash the sweater so i’m gonna put it in the laundry right now.” akaashi said, grabbing the shirt and headed downstairs to the room next to the guest bathroom that had the laundry machine and dryer, leaving kenma once again, in his room. 

dropping his light gray backpack on the carpeted floor, kenma sat by the walls, looking around the room that had the slight intoxicating smell of cigarettes, books and papers stacked on top of each other on akaashi’s desk, pieces of music at the corner on his wall like a slowly growing virus, ready to consume the entire room. after that, he’d decided to pull out his phone and play some games before akaashi comes back. 

akaashi threw the sweater in, along with the cardigan since it was fine for kenma to see the bandaged arm, knowing that kenma wouldn’t ask if about it, pouring some detergent and softener in, the machine began doing its job as akaashi went back upstairs, to some what socialize and get to know kenma better, maybe. 

opening the door, he found kenma sitting right against the the wall, looking at his phone intensely as the sound of the game he’s playing loudly says ‘game over’, making kenma sigh and put his phone down, looking up at akaashi. “oh don’t let me disrupt you, do keep playing.” akaashi said, grabbing his bag closer before sitting next to kenma, “no it’s fine, i’ll beat that level later.” he quietly said before sighing, the room slowly becoming quiet once more, quiet and awkward as both of them knew nothing about each other except for the fact that their schools were very close to each other.   
  
“so, what year are you?” akaashi asks, grabbing his book out from his bag and opening it to the page he was reading in the morning.   
  
“first year. what about you?” kenma asks turning to look at akaashi, “also first year.” akaashi responded, his eyes glued to the book before kenma turning his head back to his phone, akaashi realizing that he’s not entertaining much decides to close his book, and forcefully pushes himself to interact with kenma. 

“anyways, the clothes will take like 30 minutes to wash then another 30 to dry. and how did you know our schools were close to each other?” akaashi asks, turning his body to face kenma. “you really don’t have to go through all this just for a sweater.” kenma mumbles, quiet enough that akaashi couldn’t hear it before responding to him. “i have a friend that’s a year older than me, and he’s friends with someone from your volleyball club.” kenma replied, putting his phone down, letting it rest on his hand. “oh i’m planning to join the volleyball club, maybe i’ll know them?” akaashi suggested, hoping that this is how normal people communicates and it’s not too weird to be asking about this.   
  
“bokuto koutaro. he’s a second year and vice-captain of the fukurodani volleyball club. i think.” kenma said, his head tilting slightly as he tried to remember if the loud multi-colored owl really was a vice captain.   
  
“oh him.” akaashi grumbles a bit, although bokuto was super nice, he was a little too loud for him.   
  
“you know him?” kenma asks, his head tilting to the other side, confused as to how they know each other.   
  
“yea he was the one that dragged me to a try out, then i ended up joining the team.” akaashi tells kenma, starting to feel uncomfortable in short sleeves where kenma can see his bandaged arm clearly.   
  
“so you’re in the volleyball team now? what position?” kenma asks, genuinely curious about akaashi, the glow of his eyes slowly peaking out as he leans a bit into akaashi’s face, before he realized he was probably making the poor guy a little uncomfortable.   
  
“sorry” he muttered before sitting back against the wall.   
  
“he said i was gonna be their official setter since they didn’t have any yet and they needed one for the upcoming interhigh preliminaries.” akaashi said, covering the bandaged arm with his other arm so at least there’s something hiding it, kenma noticing this, he stood up and took his school blazer off, wrapping it around akaashi.   
  
“you seemed uncomfortable with just short sleeves, so here.” he said, before sitting back down and continuing, “i’m a setter too. maybe we get to play against each other in the preliminaries.”   
  
“i’m not that good though, so don’t expect too much.” akaashi lets out a breathy laugh, until the room gets quiet again.   
  
“this might be a little sensitive, so feel free to ignore this question but why is your arm wrapped in gauze?” kenma asks, he really didn’t wanna protrude into someone personal life, but he’s curious as to why akaashi has a arm wrapped in gauze, and he’s positive that akaashi dosen’t feel comfortable in short sleeves because of something that’s under the wrapped gauze.   
  
akaashi’s breath quickens as he grips the sliced arm, his heart suddenly beating faster, the cold sweat of his hands automatically letting go of the arm and picking at each other, his eyes widened at the question. he knew he had to answer it, or it might be rude. his eyes giving a few hard blinks, as his hands goes back to his side, despite the skin next to his nail bleeding again, he took a took breath, and told kenma. 

“i self harm.” 

then the room once again, went quiet. the eerie silence seeping into the room through every crack, crevices, or holes.   
  
‘oh. he’s the same as me.’ kenma thought, before sighing rolling up his long sleeved dress shirt to reveal something similar to keiji’s, hoping that they can relate through whatever trauma that made them turn to this.   
  
“here.” kenma said, showing both his arms to keiji, the skin on both his arms, with scars overlapping each other, some were still puffy and pink while others had returned to a lighter shade of his skin, some were deep. very deep. while others were like scratching the surface of water; barely visible unless you look at it carefully. both of kenma’s arms were riddled with scars. from his wrists to the bottom of his elbow.   
  
“you’re staring a little too hard keiji.” kenma said, taking his arms back and rolling his sleeves down.   
  
“sorry. i’ve just never met someone that’s similar to me.” keiji quietly apologized, taking off kenma’s school blazer and unwrapping the gauze that hid so many scars. letting out a shaky breath as he reached his arm out for kenma to look at it. “you don’t have to-”   
  
“it’s only fair.” keiji interrupts, his face looking off the side, clearly uncomfortable at others looking at something so private, even kenma could see he was uncomfortable. 

sighing, kenma covered keiji’s scars with his blazer once again and lowered his arm. “really, you don’t have to show me if you’re uncomfortable. i showed it to you so you know that i’m going through the same thing and we can somewhat be there for each other. normal people don’t understand.” kenma sighed once more as keiji hugged the blazer that covered his arm.   
  
“i’ll go check on the clothes.” keiji said, standing up, the blazer draped over his arm as he exited the room and walked downstairs, the clothes had finished washing, and it’s been put into the dryer. akaashi confused as to who put it in the dryer until he realized that the only person other than kenma and him that were in the house was his father. who was supposed to be asleep, quickly walking back upstairs, akaashi saw his door room open, his father in front of kenma, who seemed very uncomfortable to see a middle age man in a stained white tanktop and black pajama pants. tapping his father’s back, akaashi had no idea what his dad was gonna say. or do.   
  
Jun turned around to see his son, with a unfamiliar blazer on his arm. Raising his arms, Keiji flinched as Jun hugged him. “son!” he smiled, “your friend and i were just talking about you.” he said, patting his son in the back as he continued, “your clothes will be dry in five minutes by the way. anyways i’ll leave you two boy to talk. son, i’m going out to get groceries. tell your mom.” Jun smiled, leaving keiji’s room and going downstairs.   
  
The sound of heavy footsteps walking down the stairs, opening the shoe drawer, closing the shoe drawer, opening the door, and closing the door. at the sound of the door closing, keiji finally let out a breath he’s been holding in ever since he saw his father in his room. smiling. 

“are you okay?” keiji asks kenma, who seemed very uncomfortable, his hair was a bit of a mess, and he looked like he fell backwards.

“i was gonna ask you the same thing, you rushed here so fast.” kenma replies, sitting himself back up.   
  
“i’m fine, did he do anything to you?” keiji asks once more, hoping that his father didn’t touch kenma or even as much as go near him. 

“no. he just scared me. i thought it was you who was at the door way and when i looked up it was someone else.” kenma replied, confused as to why keiji was so persistent on making sure he’s alright.   
  
“are you sure you’re alright though?” kenma asks, standing up and putting his hand lightly on top of the blazer that rested on keiji’s arm.

keiji let’s out a shaky breath, “yea. i’ll be fine. i think the clothes are done, so you wanna grab your stuff and i can walk you out.” 

“yea sure.” kenma replied, grabbing his backpack and putting his phone in his pants, as they walked down the staircase, grabbing out the two pieces of clothing right out of the laundry that was still warm to the touch, along with the smell of fresh laundry. kenma shoved the sweater in his backpack as keiji put his cardigan back on, returning kenma’s blazer.   
  
“are you sure you’re alright?” kenma asks once more, hoping that keiji’s dad walking in on him didn’t scare keiji half to death or anything. he slipped on his shoes as he stood up, turning back to keiji, waiting for a reply. 

“yea, i’m sure.” keiji replied, “text me when you get home.” he added before kenma walked out of the door. 

“okay. see you soon.” kenma yelled, as he turned a right when he reached the park while keiji watched kenma disappear into the sunset. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahahah- i'm sturggling going back to the normal school schedule with waking up at 8:50 am T-T also i missed all my weekend classes so that's great >_< also i'm made a few errors like bokuto being captain and in his third year (′︿‵｡) he's supposed to be a vice and second year so im editing that now o((*^▽^*))o anyways, thank you for reading! i hope you all had a great winter break or new year break!! feel free to comment <3 and i'll see you all next week!!


	8. terrified

letting out a sigh, he walked back into the house,    
  
_ should probably go back in my room and start studying before father comes back. _

dragging his legs up the stairs and to his room, akaashi realized that he had shoved all the clothes on the ground into the closet; waiting to explode on him. internally grumbling, he mentally prepares himself from the explosion that is about to come. slowly opening the closet door, the clothes pushed their way out of the closet and pooled around akaashi’s ankle.    
  
deciding he would clean the mess up later, akaashi dragged his backpack to his desk, lightly throwing the bag on the bed next to him and took out his laptop, placing it on top of the piles of homework for his tutoring classes. opening his laptop, he was greeted by the ever so bright screen that made him squint as he toned down the brightness. giving a few clicks, he went onto his class’s virtual classroom with a new assignment attached onto his folder with bolded words under it stating it is meant to be done in your free time; after school, as it was a formative assignment. 

sighing once again, akaashi’s fingers had decided to type away, hoping to finish the assignment early so he would have free time daydreaming and drowning in his own torment, or perhaps cleaning his room.   
  
hours past and akaashi’s back is now slumped, his eyes squinting at the bright screen, scanning the paper once more before handing it in and calling it a day, given the eventful things that had happened over the last few hours. his cursor hovered over the submit button before hesitating,  _ one last look. it has to be good _ . moving his cursor to the document and clicking into it once more, he read it again. and again, and maybe a few more times since he needed to be absolutely sure. after akaashi was content with the amount of times he’s read the document over, he held his breath as he clicked on the submit button. exhaling in relief, he leaned back against his chair and stretched his arms and legs out. cracking his knuckle with one hand, he closed laptop screen with the other. 

darkness engulfed his whole room as the computer was the only source of light for a while. the room is now quiet, dark, and the cold begins to seep in from the crevices of his window. usually around this time, akaashi’s father would be talking to their neighbours. drinking beer and wasting his life away while his mother would finally come home, ignoring her husband and going straight to the computer to check her stocks and obsess with the numbers that are displayed on the plastic screen. 

but today was different. the routine was different. his father came back into the house with a case of beer and the smell of a mcdonald’s dumpster along with him. the front door slammed closed as akaashi realized his door wasn’t closed. no one was home for so long, he had forgotten his door was open the whole time. internally cursing, he quickly closed the door quietly and jumping onto his bed, wrapping his blanket around him, as the heavy foot steps of his father walking up the stairs could be heard. 

_ thump, thump, thump.  _

every footstep jun take makes akaashi’s heart pounding in nervousness, hoping that jun is going to the bathroom to get wasted and not to his own room. footsteps could be heard approaching akaashi’s room as it stopped right in front of the door. akaashi gulped as the grip on his blanket tightened. as if on cue, the door was slammed open by the middle aged man with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in his mouth, “who was that cross dresser in my house.” he sternly asked, walking towards akaashi and pulling the blanket off him as akaashi froze in fear. 

“who. was. that. in. my. house.” jun asked again, this time throwing the blanket along with the beer bottle across the room, letting it hit the wall as the glass shattered everywhere, making akaashi flinch at the sound of impact. 

“my. my friend.” he quietly responded, averaging his eye contact with his father as he hugged his body closer. 

“look at me in the eyes when i’m talking to you.” jun grumbled, grabbing akaashi by the jaw and turning his head to look at him as jun blew a puff of smoke into akaashi’s face, making him want to cough. “now why was a femboy in my house?” he asked again, tightening his hold on akaashi’s jaw, automatically making akaashi’s mouth open, letting out a whine. 

“he’s..he’s...my..friend.” akaashi stuttered, his hands slowly reaching for his fathers, hoping he’ll release his deathly grip on him. only for him to tighten his hold on his son, “you don’t need friends in your life. they distract you.” he spat as he released his grip on his son and threw him at the wall, letting akaashi’s head hit the wall with a loud bang. 

“go do your work you fucking brat. better not be slacking when your mom comes back.” jun said, now looking down on his son as he got up from the bed and walked out the room, slamming the door closed, making akaashi flinch at the action. 

the room got quiet again as the sound of footsteps fade. rubbing his jaw, akaashi took a deep breathe in and let a trembling breathe out. looking over at the wall with splattered alcohol on it and pieces of glass covering the ground and the blanket, he sighed. grabbing his duvet that was on the other side of the bed and wrapped it around his body. 

‘its fine, you’re fine. he didn’t do anything to you this time. nothing’s wrong, you’re okay. we’re okay. i’m okay. i’m fine.’ 

those words were repeating in akaashi’s head as he fell into a restless slumber. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> words cannot express how much i dislike this chapter (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞ sigh, im still trying to adjust back to school hours (clearly not working), and i'm honestly a little slumped on this fanfic, BUT it dosen't mean im giving up on it so dont worry haha itll be a cold day in hell when i give up on writing this :P anyways sorry for not updating for two weeks then giving you this trashy chapter! i'll do better next week (´-﹏-`；) 
> 
> thank you for reading, please stay safe!! and feel free to comment, it makes me happy to see you guys enjoy my writing :D 
> 
> (also i just realized you can check statistics? and i have like 14 people subscribed to this?? like woah that's almost half my google meet class- thats alot of people!! thank youu to those who subscribed <33)


	9. an eventful day

akaashi was woken up by the sound of his phone ringing, deciding that he’ll deal with it later, he decided to ignore it and go back to sleep. 

the sun burned painfully shined into akaashi’s eyes as he slowly opened them.  
  
‘what time is it’ he yawned, opening his phone to see that it was 12:30pm and he had three miscalls from his mother, rubbing his eyes as he was still half asleep, he looked at his phone again. 

**12:30 pm** **  
****3 miscalls from mother**

jumping out of his bed, akaashi quickly changed into his uniform and ran to school, hoping that he’ll at least make it before lunch ends, which was in 10 minutes. 

running to school in the hot weather, wearing the winter uniform was certainly a challenge. by the time akaashi got there, a hand was on his knee as the other was holding the shoe locker, trying to catch his breath. students around him stared at him, their eyes scanning him up at down as they walked past him. blushing in embarrassment, akaashi dropped his indoor shoes loudly on the ground, making the students look back at him and mutter more words at each other.   
  
after that, akaashi had to apologize for his morning absence to his teachers in the staff room, which luckily the teachers accepted due to his high grades and usual early attendance to school. although since akaashi was on top of his classes now, his teachers also gave him a bit of a lecture as to why he should be the model student for others to look up to and shouldn’t be this late to school. akaashi thanked the teachers for accepting his apology and took his leave. 

the staff room was on the third floor while his classroom was on the second floor, meaning that he would have to walk back down again. 

_why didn’t i just drop my backpack in the classroom before coming here?_

he sighed as he walked down the stairs before bumping into someone’s back, the person quickly turned and apologized half-way before realizing that it was akaashi.   
  
“ah! I’m sorry! shouldn’t be standing in the middle of the staircase.” he let a lighthearted chuckle, rubbing the back of his head.   
  
“oh, it’s akaashi! hi! It’s bokuto!” the vice captain smiled, flashing the brightness of his entire personality in one smile. the ever so bright smile that made akaashi internally roll his eyes and wince at how bright this guy can possibly get. he hardly knows him but the said vice captain is already being so close to him as if they’ve been friends since elementary school.   
  
“good afternoon bokuto-san, i apologize for bumping into you.” he responded, giving bokuto a slight bow as he continued to walk down the stairs, before bokuto grabbed his blazer, making akaashi halt in his movements and look back up at the vice captain, “we have club after school.” bokuto muttered, his cheeks a little flushed, before letting go of the blazer and returning back to his usual cheerful personality, “so i’ll see you!” he blurted out loudly, a bit too loud to akaashi’s liking as he flinched at the sudden sound. 

“y...yea. i’ll see you after school.” he stuttered, before walking down the hallways and entering his classroom right on time as the bell rang and students went back to their seats, patiently waiting for the teacher to come so they could get the class started. 

“all raise!” the class leader announced, everyone raising including akaashi this time, bowing at the teacher, before taking their seats and their teacher begins the lesson. once again, akaashi is stuck on the decision of listening to class or staring at the sakura tree from the window that’s not even close to his desk. pursing his lips, akaashi decided to listen in today’s material, the sakura tree will always be there but the material that is laid out in front of his textbook and being taught will soon be forgotten, better to listen in and understand the homework than banging his head against his desk out of frustration and anger for not listening to class.   
  
by the time it was the last period, they were told their english teacher was absent, which saddened akaashi a little since his english teacher was one of the most helpful people he’s ever met. the said english teacher, ms.hernandez had shoulder length hair, big round eyes, and always wore a blanket scarf around her chest. when students struggled to pronounce words, instead of dismissing them, she asked if anyone could help the student, and when no one volunteered, she would help them by writing them in hiragana and helping them pronounce it. while doing tests, she allowed students to have their phones out to listen to music or walk around the school to get so air and calm down.   
  
without their english teacher here today, and no substitutes on call, the class was let free an hour early, which means akaashi has an hour to do whatever he wants before he has to attend his first volleyball practice. he could go home but once he walks in, he won’t be able to walk back out since his parents expect him to be studying the second he gets home. how else is he able to become top of the class? 

_crap, i didn’t tell them about volleyball_. 

his eyes widened before they returned normal, his hands automatically picking at each other again, as he nervously sweats. 

_it’s fine. i’ll just make up an excuse._

he let out a sigh as he placed his textbooks back in his bag and headed to the bathroom to change into his winter gym clothes to hide the bandages.   
  
‘ _hopefully they won’t question me wearing winter clothes in may.’_ he thought as he dusted off his track jacket and exited out of the bathroom, changed into his normal shoes and headed to the volleyball club room that was next to the gymnasium that was outside. the locker room was sadly locked, leaving akaashi sitting next to the clubroom reviewing his homework and doing some light reading until someone came along to open it, hopefully bokuto since he is the only one he knows so far in the volleyball club. 

-

the sound of footsteps approached akaashi and stopped. akaashi looked up to see a blond guy with his dress shirt half buttoned and tie loosely hanging around his neck. 

“can i help you?” they asked, grabbing the key from their front pocket and unlocking the clubroom door. 

“is bokuto here?” akaashi asked, unsure of what to say. maybe he should’ve told the blonde boy that he was here to join the volleyball club, or tell him he’s interested in joining instead of instantly asking for their vice-captain. 

“uh yea he’s gonna be here after he finishes cleaning up the classroom. you wanna come inside first?” they offered, walking in already and taking off their shoes, placing them neatly to the side so akaashi has enough space for his shoes too.   
  
“thanks.” akaashi replied, standing up and walking into the clubroom, also taking off his shoes and putting his bag next to the storage racks.   
  
“so... why do you need bokuto?” they ask as they begin changing into their volleyball training uniform.   
  
“i was told there was a setter spot open.” akaashi bluntly said as he averted his eyes from the boy, his hands picking at each other again while he moved to sit next to his bag.   
  
“oh, you’re the new setter? nice to meet you! i’m konoha akinori, in my second year and in the same class as bokuto!” konoha chirped, fixing his light blue t-shirt and turning to akaashi, giving him a small bow which akaashi returned.   
  
“akaashi keiji, first year.” he muttered, looking away as he picks the skin next to his nails until they’ve started bleeding again.   
  
“ah nice! what class are you in?” konoha asks, taking a seat in front of akaashi, clearly interested in their new setter. 

“class 1.” akaashi responded quietly, now rubbing his fingers to get the blood to somehow magically stop bleeding.   
  
“oh wow- you’re in the college classes… i was in class 6.” konoha awkwardly chuckles before continuing, “i might not be that smart but i’m pretty good at volleyball” he jokes, scratching his head as the room slowly got quieter.   
  
“so! bokuto should be here any minute i mean it doesn't take that long to sweep the classroo-”   
  
“akaashi!! you actually came!! and i see you’ve met my good friend konoha here!” bokuto interrupted, his hands flinging out, and giving the two a big smile.   
  
“hello bokuto-san.” akaashi greeted, giving a small wave as bokuto took off his shoes and proceeded to change.   
  
“i hope konoha here didn’t scare you or anything, he can be intimidating at times.” bokuto chuckles as he pulls his shirt down while he turns around, only to see akaashi rubbing his eyes and yawning. bokuto widened his eyes and immediately took akaashi’s hands mid-yawn and pulled them near his chest. 

“bokuto what are you doing?” konoha laughs, tilting his head to the side.   
  
“bokuto-san?” akaashi asks, his head leaning down and meeting his gaze.   
  
“don’t do that.” he sternly says, holding onto keiji’s hands tighter.

“do what?” akaashi replies, moving his body closer.   
  
“your hands.” bokuto holds them out, “they’re bloody, and there’s scabs and fresh wounds on them.” he states, putting his forehead on akaashi’s hand, the position making the others who had just walked in the room think that bokuto was doing the dogeza at the first year.   
  
“treasure your hands, you don’t get another pair.” bokuto sniffles, as he sits back up, letting go of akaashi’s hands and standing up to grab something from his bag before sitting back down again.   
  
“give me your hand. i’ll tape them up with hello kitty bandages.” he smiles as akaashi reaches out for him.

“sorry.” akaashi muttered under his breath, hating that bokuto has to coddle him like a child.

“hm? i didn’t catch that.” he told akaashi, his voice turned soft and gentle. caring even. not his usual loud happy self. 

“thank you.” akaashi spoke up as bokuto finishes taping all his fingers.   
  
“ a bandage and a kiss just right will help your boo boo feel alright!” bokuto smiles, giving akaashi’s hands a kiss before letting them go.   
  
“anyways, we should go to the gym now! i took a bit of time.” he chuckles, giving akaashi a hand to pull him up as they both exit the clubroom and to the gym where the rest of the team were huddled together waiting for bokuto and akaashi.   
  
“are you the new setter?” their coach, takeyuki asks.   
  
“yea. i guess.” akaashi replied, looking away from the coach and walking behind bokuto.   
  
“nice to meet you, i’m takeyuki yamiji. the volleyball coach, and the girls seated on the bench are yukie and kaori, our managers.” takeyuki greets, gesturing at the girls seated on the bench behind him.   
  
at first glance, akaashi thought the coach was bokuto’s relative. perhaps his grandfather or uncle. they both had similar hair colors except bokuto intentionally dyed it white and black while coach takeyuki was just because of old age. although the coach has gray hair, his appearance makes him look 50-60, his body was rather fit and beefy, similar to bokutos’.   
  
“anyways, welcome to the team!” takeyuki and the team congratulated as bokuto lifted his right arm up to see if akaashi was okay. akaashi was overwhelmed by the loud voices, and covered his face in the side of bokuto’s jacket, his face was blushing and his hands were trembling because of everything.   
  
“you okay?” bokuto whispers, pulling akaashi in a side hug and smiling to the team so they won’t know what’s going on.   
  
“yea. just. just. overwhelmed.” he breathes out loudly, rubbing his fingers as he straightens his back, pursing his lips and thanked them for the welcome with a bow.   
  
“now that’s over with, i’ll leave the self introductions to you guys. we only have so much time before the golden week training camp with nekoma and interhigh.” coach takeyuki sighed before continuing, “here’s the agenda for today, since akaashi is new, we will play a three on three, bokuto, akashi and konoha in one team, komi, atsumori and washio together, and saruki, tetsuya can switch with bokuto and atsumori on the next match.” he announced, taking a seat on the bench next to the girls.   
  
“you heard the coach!” atsumori shouted, clapping his hands loudly once to signify that it’s time to get the game started.   
  
players got in position including akaashi, and the sound of a whistle being blown echoed in the gym before the ball was already in the air.   
  
“got it!” bokuto yelled, taking a step forward and bumped the ball, sending it to konoha who set the ball to akaashi. choices. choices. on the left was bokuto and on the right was konoha, who is gonna make the first point.   
  
_i know bokuto-san better, and considering his build, he will get us an accurate hit without people blocking us. sorry konoha._ _  
_ _  
_ moving his body close to the ball, akaashi set the ball up for bokuto to spike it. he cross-spikes the ball as it slams onto the ground creating a loud bam noise. The referee blows the whistle, giving akaashi’s team a point, while the managers wrote down notes in their notebooks.   
  
“akaashi! you’re so good at sending the ball to me!” bokuto beamed, giving akaashi a pat on the back.

“i’ve only set the ball to you like twice bokuto-san, don’t get ahead of yourself.” akaashi muttered, looking at the ball get passed to the other team.   
  
once again, the match started, and the ball had hit the net, falling into akaashi’s side of the net before he dived in to get it, burning his elbow against the gym floor while doing that.   
  
“good job akaashi! i got it!” konoha responded, running outside of the court to get the ball, sending it to bokuto, as akaashi stood back up, ignoring the burn on his right elbow.   
  
“one more akaashi!” bokuto yells, bumping it to akaashi before he sets it back to bokuto, who spike got blocked by someone who also looks like bokuto. luckily konoha got it and tossed it back to akaashi, giving them one more chance. the ball slowly falls onto the hands of akaashi, and at that moment, he had to make a fast choice. who should he set the ball to?

 _bokuto-san, you’re great. but konoha might be more promising. forgive me._ _  
_ _  
_ akaashi sets the ball to konoha, landing a straight spike into the ground.   
  
“awh yeah!” konoha cheered as bokuto pats him on the back. 

-

the first round, akaashi’s team had won, on the second round, bokuto was switched out with tetsuya, and saruki was switched out with atsumori. the rounds continued until night. by then, the team was cleaning up and the coach had left, leaving atsumori, the captain, to lock up the gym and club room afterwards.   
  
“akaashi, is it?” the pink haired manager pops up, her hands behind her back as she gives akaashi a warm smile. 

“yea.” he responded, untying the net from the poles, for some reason, it was in a dead knot and he was determined to get it loose, his fingers accidentally scratching each other as he tried to grab onto the string.   
  
“i’m yukie shirofuku, second year.” she smiles, grabbing the string on one try and pulls it out, letting one corner of the net slip off the pole.   
  
“we tie it tighter so it doesn't fall easily.” she told akaashi, “but sometimes the guys dead knot instead because it’s more ‘time efficient’.” yukie groans as she nor akaashi could reach the taller one, calling kaori over so she can sit on her shoulders and get the string.   
  
“one, two!” kaori sucks in a breath before standing up with yukie on her shoulders.   
  
“hi! i’m kaori suzumeda, also in my second year! luckily in the same class as yukie!” she introduces herself to akaashi as he just stands there and watches. there wasn’t much to do anymore. the floors have been mopped and dried, the balls were put back in place, and some of the team had already left to go change.   
  
“washio! help me get the other side! tetsuya! you too! don’t think you can leave without doing some cleanup! you left the classroom duties for me today! the least you can do is help akaashi and i get the net down!” yukie yells, catching tetsuya and washio trying to sneak out of the gym, as they groaned and walked to the net, washio untangling the top one while tetsuya untangled the one on the bottom.   
  
“got it!” washio yelled, as the top corner of the net fell down.   
  
“same!” tetsuya added, the left side of the net had been untied while yukie and kaori were still struggling with their side.   
  
“yukie did you gain weight? you got heavier!” kaori complains as yukie smacks her head.   
  
“i did not!” she responded, blushing in embarrassment while washio and tetsuya came over to help them.   
  
“kaori you can put her down now, don’t want you to have some extra weight around your shoulders especially with all the managing you do for the volleyball club” tetsuya jokes, earning a smack on the back by yukie as she was too short to hit tetsuya after being let down from yukie’s shoulder.   
  
“i am not heavy!” she whined, puffing her cheeks at them as she walked out of the clubroom. 

“i’m leaving! good night!” she huffed, stomping out of the gym while kaori chased after her, apologizing for the comment.   
  
“oh akaashi you can go too, good work today.” washio smiles, turning his head back to akaashi, giving him a thumbs up.   
  
“you too.” he replied, walking out of the gym to greet the starry sky. stars were delicately placed on the beautiful sky, right next to the moon.   
  
\-   
  
“akaashi! i was waiting for you!” bokuto smiles, as he stands up.   
  
“you didn’t have to, it’s very late.” akaashi sniffles, as he closes the clubroom door, taking his shoes off, and grabbing his bag that bokuto was sitting next to. 

“you’re not changing?” bokuto asks, slipping his shoes back on and opens the door.   
  
“i’m too tired to change. i’ll do it when i get home.” he replied, sniffling his nose once again as he slips into his shoes, walking out with bokuto while bokuto tells atsumori that tetsuya and washio were the only ones left.   
  
the sounds of a certain owl hooting could be heard as the two walked home together, bokuto, chirpy as always was going off about last years nationals, which akaashi had paid no attention to since he was too absorbed in his own thoughts, what he was gonna go when he went home. what excuse was he gonna use. 

_i had missed calls from my mother. she almost never calls._

akaashi halted in his steps, his eyes widening as his hands started peeling each other.   
  
“akaashi?” bokuto turns back, only to see him with his head down and his hands picking at each other. deep in thought. bokuto walks up to akaashi, slowly parting his hands away from each other, and putting them down, peering his head under to see if akaashi was okay.   
  
“akaashiii??” bokuto questions once more, his hand waving at akaashi’s eyes before he snapped out of his trance.   
  
“hm? yes?” akaashi asks, shaking his head around to get the thoughts out of his head, hopefully he won’t get yelled at, or beat.   
  
“are you okay? you stopped walking.” bokuto expressed, their hands still entangled with each other.   
  
_no, i was late to school today, and i’m coming home late. it’s unacceptable, and i have no reason to be missing school. i should be a role model and perfect doll. not missing school and coming home late for something as childish as a after school club activity._

“yea, i was just thinking.” akaashi reassures, slowly pulling his hands out from bokuto’s grasp. 

“okay, well that’s good! but don’t think too hard or you’ll get a headache!” bokuto giggles, as he readjusts his bag.   
  
“well, i'm turning here, so good night akaashi!” bokuto smiles, waving akaashi goodbye as he walks down the road.   
  
and once again, akaashi was alone. just the stars, moon, and him. the owl no longer hooted, the night became cold and lonely as he walked down the street, turning left and arriving at his house. for the first time, his house had all the lights opened, including akaashi’s room. it gave akaashi a sense of uncertainty when the lights were on, either his grandparents were over and his parents had to put on a facade, including akaashi himself. or his parents are calling a “family meeting” which usually results in his father beating the living shit out of him as their mother watched, her poker face not fading away even if her kid was getting brutally beat up, with blood dripping from his busted lips and black eye. 

akaashi took a deep breath, and walked in, expecting one of the two. hoping it’s the fake face than the meeting, he’s been putting on a fake face for as long as he remembers so it doesn't make a difference. anything but the meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaa it took me an extra day! sorry sorry! ヽ ( ꒪д꒪ )ﾉ i was procrastinating and falling behind in extra circulars (still didn't catch up,, i have two lessons to watch now TwT) anyways, as i said before, i'm not giving up on this ff lol it's too good to give up, even i myself wants to know what happens next (/ω＼) 
> 
> i do have a question though, should i update every two weeks (giving two updates per month than four) so i can put more content in? it'll also benefit me since this ff sometimes stresses me out a bit, and i think it would be a good change, but not without your opinions first! 
> 
> other than that, thank you for reading!! feel free to comment ✧⁺⸜(●′▾‵●)⸝⁺✧ and please stay safe!! don't go out unless absolutely necessary! (also i have 19 subs to this story? whattt that's insane lolol it's the same number as how many people who actually joins my first period (we have 25 and only 19 joins it's so sad lol), so thank you!)


	10. let's play a game

the silence was loud, way too loud for akaashi’s liking. he took off his shoes followed the lighted path that led to the dinner table. there, seated was his parents.Both seated on the same side of the table, making akaashi being the only one seated on the opposite side. the dining room’s lights were on for the first time in a while, the soup on the stove threatening to boil over due to the roaring fire that sat underneath, the eerie silence between the three family members were chilling. 

“do you know what time it is?” his mother asked him, breaking the silence once in for all. crossing her arms and giving a sigh, looking at her kid with a disappointed look on her face. 

no one in the akaashi family would believe that their only son; only heir to the bloodline would disobey them like that. why and how could keiji do such a thing? keiji is such a good child, why would he come home late all sweaty and improper? such disgrace. if their grandparents find out, it would not end well. keiji would be scolded for hours about his recklessness and immature actions. hell, he might be getting scolded right now too. or worse, getting hit again.    
  
“so?” his mother spoke up again, jun glaring at their son with a hate in his eyes.    
  
“6:00pm.” keiji quietly replied, his head ducked down, staring and picking at the hello kitty bandages that the vice captain had just put on him hours ago.    
  
“it’s dark out.” she murmured, looking out of the glass door, the moonlight reflecting off the little lawn they have before looking back at her son. “where were you?” she asked.    
  
“school.” he quickly replied, his head still down, ashamed to look at his parents in the eyes.    
  
“no. the school called me in the morning, you didn’t go. then i called you. not once. not twice. but three times. i was worried. there was no way this was my keiji. my keiji is a responsible child. right?” she laughed lightheartedly, clearly in an anxious and concerned manner.    
  
“i. i overslept and got there right around the lunch break, apologized for my absence to the teachers that had me for the morning classes. and continued my studies after lunch.” he explained, peeling and picking the hello kitty bandages off his fingers.   
  
“what happened after that? i sure as hell know your school ends at around the time i wake up.” their father interrupted. leaning closer towards his son, the agonizing and disgusting smell of cigarettes could be inhaled by keiji, who moved his head away from their father, looking off to the right to see the pot of soup at its tipping point, nearly spilling, with white bubbles forming on top and the cover about to fall off.    
  
_ slap. _

the sound bounced off the light brown walls in the dining room, silence seeped in before it was interrupted. 

“LOOK AT ME WHEN I’M TALKING TO YOU. WHERE ARE YOUR MANNERS?!” jun screamed at their son, grabbing a chunk of his hair and turning his head to face him, keiji’s body was frozen, his eyes gave off a fearful look at his father as jun looked him in the eyes.    
  
“answer me.” his voice was quiet but threatening, the grip on keiji’s hair gets tighter as he winces.    
  
“i went to practice.” he spilled, biting his tongue for not being able to lie when it could really save his ass right now. 

“practice for what?” his mother interrupted, getting into keiji’s field of vision. now looking carefully, his mother was still in her office clothes, her hair in a low messy bun, and she appeared stressed, her eyebrows furrowed in worry, waiting for a response.    
“volleyball.” he quietly responded, attempting to look away from his mother’s disappointing gaze, only to fail when jun tightened his grip on keiji’s hair and turned his head to face his mother.    
  
“i thought you weren’t gonna do after-school activities. they waste your time. time you could be using to create a better future for yourself.” she replied in a monotone voice, rubbing her neck.    
  
“yes, it is true that i said i wasn’t gonna participate in after-school activities this year, although i had a change of heart and decided to take up volleyball again. i’ll work twice as hard to keep my grades up so do not fret.” he stated, lifting his head up and meeting the disappointed gaze of his mother with his. 

keiji didn’t know why he wanted to play volleyball so badly again. maybe its the thought of being free. or having fun and enjoying something for the first time in a long time. but he had to have this, almost as if his life had depended on this.    
  
“i’ll do whatever possible for me to continue volleyball until the end of my highschool career.” he pleaded, his fingers now bleeding once again, torn up bits and pieces of the pink hello kitty bandaid sat on his gym shorts.   
  
sighing, his mother, naoko added, “you’re going to coding class then. and computer too.” before standing up and leaving the dining room to finally tend to the pot of soup with bubbles forming and dripping all over the stove, making a mess.    
  
“we’re not done talking about that ‘friend’ of yours. come to my room later.” jun whispered in keiji’s ear before letting go of his hair and stomping out of the dining room and locking himself in his bedroom again. 

“since you’re already here, eat with me.” naoko said as she carefully poured the soup into two bowls, bringing them to the dining area before going back to bring the rice and side dishes. 

eating in this house was also quiet, like an unspoken rule that if you talk you’re disrupting the peace and disrespecting others. although you can’t talk, having technologies on the table is weirdly allowed. knowing his mother, naoko already had her phone out in one hand, the other holding chopsticks. looking at the stock prices going up and down as she ate while keiji dared only to look at the grains of rice, sickly sticking to each other with steam emitting from the bowl.

sighing quietly, he whispered a quiet “thank you for the food” before grabbing the chopsticks and. nothing. he grabbed the chopsticks, they’re in his hand but his body dosen’t seem to want to move. the head throbbing voice coming in, telling him he’s gonna gain more weight than he already has currently, how he’ll suddenly become like a pig, that eating the content in the bowl will make him ugly. 

grunting at the thoughts of that, he gave in. keiji placed the chopsticks down, walking to the kitchen to fill a glass of water. 

_ At least I can drink water without the reminders of me becoming a pig.  _

chugging the water down his throat as he wiped his mouth with his sleeve. 

“i’m not hungry.” keiji informed his mother, only to get a gaslighted response of “i took so long to cook this, how can you not eat it. i took time out of my day to cook it for you! i’m never cooking for you ever again. you can go eat off the streets.” from naoko before going upstairs to whatever ‘punishment’ jun has cooped up for him. 

_ maybe this time it’s a beating again. getting hurt without needing a blade, who would’ve thought.  _ _  
_ _  
_ he chuckled at his thought before putting a poker face on and knocking at his father’s door before he was practically yanked into the room.    
  
the room smelled like scented lube, used condoms, along with the smell of cigarettes. the bedside table had lotion and a box of tissues on it, on the floor were bottles of empty beer neatly placed in a case. walls were painted dark gray and the windows had been sealed up with newspaper, also giving it a slightly musty smell to it. 

“what is it that you want father.” keiji asks, staring up at jun who looked down on keiji with pure lust and hunger in his eyes.    
  
“let’s play a game.” he smiles, dragging keiji to sit next to him on the bed as he moved closer to his own son, holding keiji’s hand with both of his covering it. 

“remember when you were a kid,” jun whispered in keiji’s ear before nibbling it, “and we would play doctor and patient,” kissing his neck before keiji moved away, feeling uncomfortable, he interrupted his father.    
  
“this is highly inappropriate. what do you want.” keiji asks again, scooching further as jun holds his hand tighter, making keiji wince at the pain.    
  
“what i was trying to say it, let’s play keiji.” jun smiled, his eyes said lust while the smile on his face gave off a creepy aura of ‘i want to kill you’. 

_ i can’t say no can i?  _

“one game. then i’m going back to studying.” keiji sighs, sitting back close with jun. 

“then, doctor and patient… special addiction!” jun claps his hands together at the brilliant idea. 

“3, 2, 1, action.” keiji said, his voice was flat, clearly tired of his father’s bullshit and twisted games. 

“hi, i have a appointment with doctor akaashi today,” he said, turning his face to his father who clearly looked like he was enjoying putting his 15 year old son through torture. 

“ah, yes. A normal routine body checkup right? Right this way.” jun replied, grabbing akaashi to the other side of the bed and sat him down before continuning, “Doctor akaashi will be here soon, let me call him.” he said, walking into the closet before coming back out as ‘doctor akaashi’.

“hello keiji, today will just be a normal checkup yes?” jun asks as keiji nodded yes. 

“great, i’m going to need you to take off your shirt for me, or show your chest. either one is fine.” jun gave a devious smile, watching carefully as his son lifts up his shirt to show off the porcelain skin on his chest. he carefully placed a hand on keiji’s chest, making him flinch at the sudden movement as he continued to move up, tracing the lines of his ribcage and circling around his nipple before feeling his heart beating. 

“breath in and hold for me.” jun said as keijii inhaled, being able to feel his son’s chest heave up, his back arching lightly. flashing a smile, jun grabbed keiji’s wrists, pushing him down and pinning him onto the bed.    
  
as keiji squirmed around, trying to get out of his hold, jun used one hand to hold both of akaashi’s wrists above his head as he grabbed a random t-shirt to gag his son. keiji attempted to kick him before jun had his knee between his legs, putting pressure on his dick, making keiji squirm and whine even more. 

fat tears rolled down his cheeks when jun went down on him, straddling his son as he kissed and left hickes on keiji’s chest. keiji, ashamed of his body’s natural reaction had given up and let jun do whatever he wanted with him. 

_ it’s better to not fight, there’s no point anyways.  _ _  
_   
jun unzipped keiji’s zipper, grabbing his member out and stroking it as keiji moaned and squirmed, tears still rolling down the side of his face. “stupid slut you enjoy this don’t you.” jun laughs, stroking him faster as keiji moaned louder and louder before cumming all over jun’s hand. thank god for the gag or it would’ve ended badly.    
  
afterwards, keiji was too tired to even think straight, slowly passing out on the bed as jun grabbed his phone and flashed it at him, assuming he was probably taking pictures to sell them online, keiji felt his eyes roll back, falling in and out of consciousness before jun slapped him awake, removing the gag and throwing a skirt and skimpy bra at him. 

“change into that and pose. and no underwear.” he said, sitting on the bed with his phone in hand, recording the whole thing as akaashi stood up, still drowsy from the recent events that happened, unaware that his arm was still bandaged, he slowly changed into a skirt and skimpy bra. 

the skirt barely covered his ass and the bra was itchy and uncomfortable, but keiji bit his tongue to swallow his pride as he straddled on the ground, looking up at the camera as it flashed at him.    
  


multiple pictures were taken that day. close ups of his body’s most private parts, hickies jun scattered on his chest that left purple marks on him, and pictures of him doing vulgar poses. 

“i’ll blur your face.” jun said throwing keiji’s original clothes at him. 

“nice touch on the fake bandage. looks sexy.” he points out as keiji changes back into his gym uniform.    
  
“you can go now.” he said, lazily shooing his son away as he looked at the pictures with saliva practically dripping out. 

by the time keiji had returned to his bedroom, he felt so tired that he fell asleep after setting up his alarms. his mind and body was tired from the recent events, the dried up tear stains made his skin uncomfortable, his body felt like it was on fire from both volleyball practice and the stupid game his father made him play, now that he thought about it, he hardly remembers what his father did to him tonight. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dislike writing about rape and sex alot so it's kinda bad i'm sorry (._.) anyways, i'll try to respond all the comments tonight!! haha still tryna figure out how to adjust from winter break so i'm all over the place right now (*＾ワ＾*) 
> 
> other than that,,, wear a mask when you go outside, stay safe and feel free to leave a comment!! makes my day when people comment even tho i respond late (¬‿¬)
> 
> yea i wanted to post this on valentines day but my mental health said no :,D
> 
> also please stay warm for my texas folks!


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